Monday, February 11, 2013

Repost: Odes to Household Items.

Originally 4-9/2007

Dear Mr. Trash Can:


We really need to talk about your behavior lately.  I have noticed that you are becoming increasingly sloppy and over-indulgent.  Such behavior can and may lead to your early retirement or demise.  You have been testing the limits by consuming more and more household garbage, often above your capacity, which is causing your waistline to expand at times.  I recognize that your household patrons contribute significantly to your problem.  They continue to stuff you when you’ve clearly had enough; more and more garbage helping you reach for the horizon and testing the limits of your capacity.  Luckily for you, your madame purges you now and then, removing the old refuse, cleaning you out, and giving you new attire.  Regardless, if you continue with your present recurring condition, I’m going to be driven to madness.  Your over-indulgence leads to messes on what your patrons feel is a back-board (translated:  the pantry wall), spillage onto the floor that your madame must clean, ants, general unsightliness and potential odiferousness.


I’ll discuss with the other household patrons about what they can do to help you curb your refuse addiction.  We’re a team and we should all work together to make you better. I think they need a little education on how much is too much and when is appropriate for relieving you of your load.  They’ll be made aware that caring for you does not have to wait for the madame to return.  In the meantime, you need to learn to say no.  Tell them to empty you, beg them to not overstuff you. Let them know you are trying to be the best receptacle you can be. With this reform, your place in the household can thus be secured and the madame may rest peacefully at night.




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