Dear Mr. Trash Can:
We really need to talk about your behavior lately. I have noticed that you are becoming
increasingly sloppy and over-indulgent.
Such behavior can and may lead to your early retirement or demise. You have been testing the limits by consuming
more and more household garbage, often above your capacity, which is causing
your waistline to expand at times. I
recognize that your household patrons contribute significantly to your
problem. They continue to stuff you when
you’ve clearly had enough; more and more garbage helping you reach for the
horizon and testing the limits of your capacity. Luckily for you, your madame purges you now
and then, removing the old refuse, cleaning you out, and giving you new
attire. Regardless, if you continue with
your present recurring condition, I’m going to be driven to madness. Your over-indulgence leads to messes on what
your patrons feel is a back-board (translated:
the pantry wall), spillage onto the floor that your madame must clean,
ants, general unsightliness and potential odiferousness.
I’ll discuss with the other household patrons about what
they can do to help you curb your refuse addiction. We’re a team and we should all work together
to make you better. I think they need a little education on how much is too
much and when is appropriate for relieving you of your load. They’ll be made aware that caring for you
does not have to wait for the madame to return.
In the meantime, you need to learn to say no. Tell them to empty you, beg them to not
overstuff you. Let them know you are trying to be the best receptacle you can
be. With this reform, your place in the household can thus be secured and the
madame may rest peacefully at night.
Best,
Rhonda
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