Friday, June 14, 2013

Kick Start My Heart

June 14, 2013

Scared to the Core

We took our boys on vacation this week to Galveston. I prepared for the trip for a week.  Packing, planning, preparing, laundry and shopping.  In addition to the boys’ typical D-bag, I packed an additional Vacation Diabetes Bag filled with entire boxes of any and every supply I could think we would need.  A month’s worth of insulin was in the cooler. I was ready to make Diabetes cooperate during this vacation.

Overall, we did well.  Their Omnipods fared well through kite flying, wave riding, crab hunting, sandcastle building, and swimming.  We managed their sugars despite restaurant dining, soda pop drinking, and S’Mores.  A few highs, few lows.  I checked the boys before I fell asleep, and we all slept well in our comfortable beach house.  We had the upper hand on Mr. Diabetes. 

So, that’s the background.  As I’ve mentioned before, once you have a diabetic child, you instantly go back to a form of “infancy”.  As most mothers, when my babies were newborns, the first time they slept through the night, I was panicked.  I rushed to their bedsides to make sure they were still breathing.

When a child is diagnosed with diabetes, that gut-wrenching heart-stopping fear is back.  People die of hypoglycemia!  When my boys sleep later than expected, I run to their bedsides.  Every.  Time. Give them a *poke poke*.  If they are responsive and appropriate, we can all rest again.  So far, one *poke poke* has been all it has taken to rouse them and restart my heart.

Yesterday, I woke up after sleeping some 7 hours.  This is a RARE treat for me! I did not hear my boys awake yet.  I sprang from the bed and ran to their room in the beach house. Aiden lay sprawled on the full-sized bed. The blanket was draped over his body, covering his chest, so I couldn’t see if it was rising and falling.  He looked pale, and his eye was half open.  He did NOT look okay.  I gave him the *poke poke*.  No response.  In a split instant second, so many thoughts passed through my head.

Scream for Jerry.  Get the Glucagon.  What’s his sugar? Is he breathing?  Where is the closest hospital?  Did he tank in the night? Oh my God, this can’t be happening

My rational thought took over and I shook him as I loudly called him name, “AIDEN!”

He stirred and indignantly said, “What?!” 

I had to kick start my heart!
After I gave myself a precordial thump to restart my heart, I said, “Are you okay?”

“Yes, Mommy.  Why are you asking me that?”  Exhale.  I was probably paler than him. 

“Nothing baby.  Go back to sleep.”

I went and lay back in my bed, trying to slow my heart to a normal rate and rhythm. By some miracle of fate, I fell back asleep.  After that, I then knew he was just passed out tired from all the vacation fun.  His eye was half-open because he has giant eyeballs like his Daddy, and that’s just the creepy way their eyes look sometimes. 

When Aiden got up and checked his sugar, he was 186. 

Stupid Diabetes.  Took yet another year off my life!  Stupid Diabetes.  Reminded me again who is Boss and what he is capable of.

Unless you live this life, you just can’t fully comprehend the fear. It is paralyzing.

There HAS to be a cure one day.  I don’t know how many times I can stop and restart my heart before it just won’t restart again. 

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1 comment:

  1. I have that same feeling every morning too, it sucks!! And sadly i have had to use the glucagon on one occasion, scariest moment of my life :(