June 14, 2013
Scared to the Core
We took our boys on vacation this week to Galveston. I
prepared for the trip for a week.
Packing, planning, preparing, laundry and shopping. In addition to the boys’ typical D-bag, I
packed an additional Vacation Diabetes Bag filled with entire boxes of any and
every supply I could think we would need.
A month’s worth of insulin was in the cooler. I was ready to make
Diabetes cooperate during this vacation.
Overall, we did well.
Their Omnipods fared well through kite flying, wave riding, crab
hunting, sandcastle building, and swimming.
We managed their sugars despite restaurant dining, soda pop drinking,
and S’Mores. A few highs, few lows. I checked the boys before I fell asleep, and
we all slept well in our comfortable beach house. We had the upper hand on Mr. Diabetes.
So, that’s the background.
As I’ve mentioned before, once you have a diabetic child, you instantly
go back to a form of “infancy”. As most
mothers, when my babies were newborns, the first time they slept through the
night, I was panicked. I rushed to their
bedsides to make sure they were still breathing.
When a child is diagnosed with diabetes, that gut-wrenching
heart-stopping fear is back. People die
of hypoglycemia! When my boys sleep
later than expected, I run to their bedsides.
Every. Time. Give them a *poke
poke*. If they are responsive and
appropriate, we can all rest again. So
far, one *poke poke* has been all it has taken to rouse them and restart my
heart.
Yesterday, I woke up after sleeping some 7 hours. This is a RARE treat for me! I did not hear my boys awake yet. I sprang from the bed and ran to their room in
the beach house. Aiden lay sprawled on the full-sized bed. The blanket was
draped over his body, covering his chest, so I couldn’t see if it was rising
and falling. He looked pale, and his eye
was half open. He did NOT look
okay. I gave him the *poke poke*. No response.
In a split instant second, so many thoughts passed through my head.
Scream for Jerry. Get the Glucagon. What’s his sugar? Is he breathing? Where is the closest hospital? Did he tank in the night? Oh my God, this can’t
be happening.
My rational thought took over and I shook him as I loudly
called him name, “AIDEN!”
He stirred and indignantly said, “What?!”
I had to kick start my heart!
“Yes, Mommy. Why are
you asking me that?” Exhale. I was probably paler than him.
“Nothing baby. Go
back to sleep.”
I went and lay back in my bed, trying to slow my heart to a
normal rate and rhythm. By some miracle of fate, I fell back asleep. After that, I then knew he was just passed
out tired from all the vacation fun. His
eye was half-open because he has giant eyeballs like his Daddy, and that’s just
the creepy way their eyes look sometimes.
When Aiden got up and checked his sugar, he was 186.
Stupid Diabetes. Took
yet another year off my life! Stupid
Diabetes. Reminded me again who is Boss
and what he is capable of.
Unless you live this life, you just can’t fully comprehend
the fear. It is paralyzing.
There HAS to be a cure one day. I don’t know how many times I can stop and
restart my heart before it just won’t restart again.
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Rhonda
I have that same feeling every morning too, it sucks!! And sadly i have had to use the glucagon on one occasion, scariest moment of my life :(
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