Thursday, November 2, 2017

Newborn Baby

Newborn Baby

June 29.  THAT was my last blog?  Jeez.  Time flies when you're having fun.  I'm going rogue here and blogging free lance, which means, I didn't type-edit-save-edit-type-save-edit-publish first.  We'll see how it goes and how many mistakes you catch.

Last week we had a heck of a week.  I made some changes to their insulin rates and correction factors, so for two nights in a row, we chased lows down all night.  Imagine one of the loudest and most annoying sounds/beeps ever.  That's what we kept hearing all night.

When we silenced the alarm for one boy, the other one would sound.   One night, Jerry was up nursing the boys/Dexcom for about 3-4 hours.  However, he forgot to take his phone with him (which elicits said annoying sound) so it continued to wake me up.  Work doesn't care how Diabetes behaves, so he went to work with bloodshot eyes.
Jerry.  This may or may not be his actual photo that morning.

The next night, I took the hit.  I was up and down all night.  Needless to say, I crawled back into bed as soon as the boys were ready for school.  Fortunately, I had the day off and could sleep a few hours.

The third night, I had taken the boys out to eat, so instead of low, they were high.  I had to get up to correct their high sugars.  Lesson:  If you knew how hard your body worked to process a heavy meal, you'd never do it again.  Well, ok, maybe you would, but you'd think more about it!  What happens is their insulin dosing is fantastic and covers them for 4-6 hours, THEN the fat is processed and the glucose jumps through the roof.  I digress.  The point is, I was up and down trying to get their glucose levels to normal before morning.  I succeeded but I lost another night of sleep in the process.

I figured out the problem and the next few nights were ok.  Fortunately for Jerry as I had to work three nights in a row.  (See eyes above).

Last night, we were both super tired so we went to bed early.  I startled awake at 2 am, after a whopping 5 hours of sleep. I couldn't shut my brain off.  I wondered, "Why haven't I heard the Dexcom alarm?"   Instantly, I think negatively.  OMG, I bet they're not tracing (technology and wi-fi isn't perfect); clearly they're up there low and dying and I'm just laying here.  Wait, listen.  Do you here the devices alarming from the next room?  Nope.  Clearly they failed, too.  Finally, I look at my phone.  Both boys are normal and steady.  Shocker.  

But, then guess what?  It was just enough thought and full bladder to fully wake me up.  I tossed, I turned.  I contemplated the meaning of life.  I counted sheep.  Nothing worked.  I finally got out of bed at 4 am.  Ran an errand.  (Yes, I can do that at 4am since hospitals are open 24/7.  Fortunately my night shift gals were around to visit with).  Then, I headed to work.  A full day with students.  A job that doesn't care how Diabetes behaved or how much sleep I had. Put an extra shot of espresso in my Starbucks, please!   I have to take my bloodshot eyes and physical fatigue, put my best face forward and plow through the day, all the while plotting and planning how I can possibly get into bed by 6:30 pm without feeling like the most awful mother on the planet.

I think I've said it before, but having children with Diabetes is like having a perpetual newborn baby.  So many nights, we are up and down tending to low or high glucose levels. One boy, both boys.  Who knows?  Good food, bad food.  Pump failures. Even when all is well, we wake up to make sure all is well.  There's not a night that one or both of us aren't up at least once to assure the boys are ok.  It's exhausting.  It's like tending to that newborn baby.  Some nights they barely cry, some nights the cry all night, and when they don't cry, you panic and go make sure they're still breathing.  It's exhausting.  

Childhood should be simple, and Diabetes complicates it tremendously.  I work hard to make sure they can be kids and their lives, their childhoods, are as simple as possible.  The price:  Sleep.  The payoff:  Healthy, well-rested children.

In the meantime, life goes on and Diabetes doesn't care.  It won't be forever for me (although I am sure the worry will never cease), but it will be forever for them if we don't find a cure!

Until my next nap,

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